My Review of Jury Duty

It starts 30 minutes late, because why not, they work for the government. You need to be here 30 minutes before it starts, but we’ll show up 30 minutes after it starts and pretend like we’re not wasting your time. After a rousing speech from a lady I believe to be Rose, the Titanic survivor, we are now prepared to wait some more.

That’s how she looked, that’s how I felt.

Now Rose being 30 minutes late to the 8am meeting she’s had scheduled for a month (and likely has every day) isn’t entirely her fault. Some blame must go to her physician who clearly wasn’t on his “A” game when he put that titanium hip in; she walked like current day Tiger Woods after hole 17 (I fucking love you Tiger, I’m sorry).

Now anyone who knows me know that there ain’t much in this world that I love more than sitting in a quiet room full of strangers on an uncomfortable chair. You can only lean forward and backward and forward and backward so many times before you just pick a stance and come to grips with that fact that your body is going to hurt from sitting down. This last for about an hour before a buzz of energy hits the room. Time to sentence a serial killer to a firing squad!? Nope. Just an announcement that the courts aren’t ready and we will be waiting longer. Truly our governments finest at work. I was ready at 7:30am for something I’ve nevr done before, and you couldn’t be ready by 9:30 to do your job? Fucking unbelievable.

After the announcement someone tried to make small talk with me and I threw my breakfast at their face (okay that’s a lie). I think my demeanor did all the talking for me “don’t fucking talk to me.”

The guy behind me commented to someone that he’d still rather be here than be at his job…shut up dude there is no chance that’s true.

As it nears 10am I still haven’t moved from the chair I sat down in at 7:30. #efficiency. I could have gotten the Casey Anthony decision correct in this amount of time.

Shortly after 10am my number is called, maybe the only time I’ve ever won a lottery type deal in my life.

When I arrived at the courtroom with the other unluckies we were immediately lied to. The guy who greeted us said he would quickly get us organized and seated. If that’s his definition of quick, his wife is one lucky lady. After half an hour of cattle herding we were marched into an hour long civics lesson followed by a two hour lunch. Yes you read that correctly. They did one hour of work, and immediately took a two hour lunch. Bananas. Ever tried to kill two hours in a courthouse? Absolutely impossible. Give me a tv with some sports on, maybe some beer on tap, maybe air hockey, possibly a pool table, shit I’d settle for a playground but no, just an unimaginative, soul sucking building designed by someone who clearly hates the justice system and its employees.

So two hours of podcasts and a cold lunch in a lonesome hallway later I trudge back to the courtroom, on time, because I’m a god damn professional. Time for action right? Wrong! Dead wrong. Time for 45 minutes of waiting. 45 more minutes of waiting after a 2 hour lunch, what is wrong with these people? And what happens when the waiting is over? I’m dismissed like Taylor Swift’s stinky old cardigan she keeps under the bed.

So there it is, my review of jury duty. 7 hours of waiting quietly only to be dumped like someone who put on the freshman 15.

1/5 stars, would not recommend.