That damn yellow line

Oh that pesky yellow line. That officially unofficial yellow line which we live and die by when the game is on the line for our favorite team.

Someone needs to figure that shit out. It we can track and calculate information about kicks and golf balls flying through the air, in real time, like we’re attempting to land a space shuttle on a comet, we should be able to draw an accurate perpendicular line across a football field. I don’t have the answer, I’m not a math guy, but someone out there does (looking at you Bezos). It should be so simple to make that stupid line be exact, that the simplicity actually makes me head hurt. Elon Musk wants us to travel across the continent in a vacuum sealed, levitating tube traveling 500 miles per hour but I still have Joe Buck reminding me every single game that the damn yellow line is not accurate! Figure it out.

I’ve considered that this is some type of conspiracy. Just like how Big Pharma, Big Tobacco and Big Oil, aka the Reptilian Elite, are lurking in the shadows pulling stings across the world to get what they want (do your research sheeple!), so to is Big Yellow Line. But why? What would be the point? What is the Reptilian Overlord getting out of this? Does he thrive on our confusion and our twitter arguments where we compare different grainy screenshots of an unofficial line and the spot of the ball where maybe a knee or an elbow or a ball sack was down (advantage small penis)? If so, what’s his twitter handle? I just don’t understand the motive. How are they profiting off this? I understand the motive of Big Oil (sell more oil). Can Big Yellow Line sell more yellow lines? Who would want to buy those inaccurate pieces of shit? This isn’t making any sense.

Is it the NFL? Does the NFL want to keep us guessing? It would certainly keep them in the news and all over social media. All publicity is good publicity. Is Goodell smart enough to figure that out? Keep the yellow line off by a 1/4 inch and everyone will discuss the NFL constantly. Goodell can’t even handle blatantly obvious decisions though. So who in the NFL would have done this? The owners? Are the owners also Big Yellow Line? Jerry Jones is certainly Big Jerk Off Shoes, and Dan Snyder is Big Dumbass. This doesn’t sound out of the realm of possibilities.

All this tension between Iran and the United States. Did they figure out what was going on with the yellow line? Is Trump in on this? Trying to silence the whistle blowers? Trump was part of the USFL, did they have yellow line problems too? Maybe that’s where it started and he’s been helping to keep it under wraps. Why Iran though? How did they get to the bottom of this before anyone else? What teams do they like to watch in Iran? More questions than answers. What about the impeachment? The House must be sick of having an unofficial yellow line. AOC, noted huge football fan. They know removing Trump would expose everything. What’s the deal with the Senate though? Do they have a connection to the NFL? Are they part of Big Yellow Line?

Bernie Sanders must be sick of the line too. He’s been campaigning heavily in California. Coincidence? I don’t think so. The lizard people live in Mt. Shasta. California is their home base. Bernie would expose them. He would expose the reason for an inaccurate yellow line. This must mean Trump, the NFL Owners, and the Senate are all part of the Reptilian Elite. This conspiracy goes deep, balls deep.

I bet this is why weed is slowly being legalized. Think about it. Marijuana is now legal in Illinois. Makes sense right? Bears fans are pissed, they were supposed to be contenders and they didn’t even make the playoffs (lmfao). Who on earth would have more motivation to dig into the the unofficial yellow line, and compare to where the ball was spotted all season than a fan base reaching for reasons to claim they were screwed? All of sudden, in the middle of their investigations, here comes legal weed ready to make them lazy, hungry, and impaired. They’ll never figure it out now, they’re too busy getting high and satisfying the munchies with some deep dish. It’s crazy how much sense everything makes.

I know this sounds like the rambling of a mad man, but I will report back with proof. The unofficial yellow line could be official, but large, dark forces are keeping it from us.