Who the hell does this guy think he is? Hey Matt, this is the NFL bud, not the Lingerie Football League. Who are you trying to impress? Maybe if you spent a little less time in the salon and a little more time working on the game plan you wouldn’t have three losses. I’ve heard he puts a mirror inside of his play calling sheet so he can look at himself. At halftime he heads directly to the bathroom to straighten his hair and floss his teeth. What a diva.
You who wins the big game? Bill Belichick.
Turned on yet? Me neither, but Bill doesn’t care. As long as his sweatshirt sleeves are cut off he could care less if he has a few hairs out of place or if the ladies in the stands are throwing their underwear at him. Meanwhile Matt’s stalking the sidelines filling up Hefty bags with the underwear being chucked at him while his defense gets the ball ran down their throat. Sure his teeth look like they were placed in his mouth by an angel, but that doesn’t help his defense. Sometime in your life you hit a crossroads, and Matt LaFleur needs to decide if his future is in the NFL or its posting Instagram thirst traps in shorts so short and so tight that he’ll need to blur his crotch so his photos aren’t taken down.
You can’t upstage your players, especially your quarterback. It’s bad for team morale, and LaFleur is out here looking like the prom king trying to lead the tuba section into battle. You know who was a great leader? Winston Churchill.
He probably was never going to win sexiest man alive, but that didn’t stop him from leading Britain to victory in WWII. Churchill won the big one and he didn’t care that his BMI was far from perfect. LaFleur is just trying to get to the big one but he’s so focused on breaking his Peloton records he has no plan to slow down Jimmy G or Nick Bosa.
Matt LaFleur should take a lesson from another stunning coach, Sean McVay. McVay managed to get his team to the Super Bowl despite looking like he belongs on the cover of Playgirl. But as we all know, it caught up to him. In the Super Bowl it seemed like the Rams offense was more than little distracted by his beauty as they managed a mere 3 points. Sometimes less is more, and in McVay’s situation less grooming and less makeup would have done him some good.
LaFleur, what is that French? Suits him well if it is, he looks like he belongs in Paris sipping Grand Marnier under the Eiffel Tower. Maybe a club in Ligue 1 is looking for a new coach. That’s the type of football a hot guy can coach.
Here’s my advice to you Coach LaFleur. Put on some weight, starting going to Great Clips, stop exercising, sweat more, brush your teeth less, and stop dressing to impress. Try to look more like this.
Dip yourself in garlic butter pregame, and don’t forget the last Green Bay coach to win the Super Bowl.
Sex.
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