6 decades in the NFL, and not much to show for it. Despite some incredible teams, players, and coaches, a Super Bowl victory has thus far eluded the franchise. It feels wrong even bringing it up. It’s not like any fan has forgotten this fact, especially if they’ve had the uh…pleasure, I guess, of coming across a Packer fan. They’re always quick to force feed you, foie gras style, their 13 championship nonsense. No need Wisconsinites, stop in any bar or cemetery in the great state of Minnesota and you’ll know we haven’t forgotten our lack of Super Bowl success. You’ll be guaranteed to see something about “drinking to forget the Vikings” or “died waiting for the Vikings to win a ring” or the classic “buried by the Vikings so they could let me down one last time.” Maybe it’s finally time to change all that.
The new XFL rules were recently released and they took the football world by storm. Personally I couldn’t help but think, how would the Vikings perform in this new league with these new rules?
The double-forward pass: As it stands right now there is only one person on the team I trust throwing the ball, and that is Kirk Cousins (sorry Sean). We’ve seen Diggs toss the pigskin in a game recently and the thought of seeing it again makes me want to projectile vomit the bacon, egg, and cheese I just ate. To be honest, none of the skill guys throwing the ball gives me much confidence. Maybe this is where we trade to get Joe Webb back, or maybe we just stick to a single pass per play. Boring I know, but if BIG 10 teams can still have success while running the ball 35 times from under center with a fullback leading the way, the Vikings can survive without the double pass. Zim would probably shit his shorts if he saw his own team run that candy ass play anyway.
Point(s)-after touchdowns: Talk about a rule tailor made for the Vikings. Did they have a representative at the XFL meeting when rules were decided. You’re telling me we cannot use a kicker after a touchdown? Count me in, count me in a billion times over. This rule is an absolute win for the state of Minnesota. Sit down Dan! No need to hold my breath for what should be a chip shot every time we score a touchdown. Gone are the days when every none Viking fan in the room looks at me when one of our “Professional Football Kickers” (yea right) lines up for an extra point. This doesn’t solve our filed goal issue, but it’s one small step for the XFL, and one giant leap for cursed football teams.
The Kickoff: This makes me nervous. If you haven’t heard, the kickoffs in the XFL are designed to heavily encourage returns. Marwan Maalouf is a good special teams coordinator, but he’s still coaching the Vikings. To me this sets up Minnesota to have kickoff’s housed on them at an alarming rate. I don’t see any benefit here to the Vikings. And since Patterson left, they haven’t had a returner that’s truly a threat.
Punting: Ouch. Britton Colquitt has been having a great season, but the XFL wants to ruin that. No more coffin corners, encouraged returns, harder to down the ball deep near the end zone. All bad news for a team which is designed to run the ball, play defense, and rely on field position and time of possession. The Minnesota Vikings are the Wisconsin Badgers of the NFL. And again, no threat at returner to take advantage of the softer rules.
Overtime: Shut up Saints fans. No thank you. Nope, not interested in this all. I’ll take my one drive down the field, toss a TD to Kyle Rudolph on the goal line, and head to the showers.
Only one foot in bounds required for a catch: So we’re going to make Xavier Rhodes’ job even harder? Count me out. In fact, I’m going to drop on one knee and purpose we move in the opposite direction; both feet in bounds, both hands in bounds, and you need to lick the grass (talk about a football move). Let’s see that completion percentage when he’s the closest defender now.
Only two timeouts per half: Love it. Zimmer is not a clock guy, that’s no secret. So if he gets less opportunities to call bad timeouts, that sounds perfect. Some where Chiefs fans are celebrating too. Yea I just called you out Andy Reid.
Running clock and other tweaks to make the game quicker: This is personal. Less football? The XFL thought less football was a good idea? How about no clock? How about mandatory overtime? Maybe we should try innings? I don’t know, figure it out. Maybe the clock ticks down one second per play? Maybe it counts upwards like in soccer, and add on random amounts of extra time at the end when you think the game is over (surprise!). I want Bryson Dechambeau to handle the clock. Let’s slow this bitch down.
I actually love the XFL rules. We need more football, but we don’t necessarily need more of the NFL. The AAF was legitimately interesting and exciting at times. That being said, the type of football the XFL wants to see is not how the Vikings want to play, it would be an awkward fit. This is an old school team even in the NFL. They would be dinosaurs in the XFL.
For now let’s stay in the NFL and keep trying to win the big one, but if the XFL sticks around, I’m not too proud to celebrate and brag about being XFL champions in the future.
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