Three quick facts to give you a peek into the mind of G Spot Sneakers (you know, me, the author). First, I am a Teddy Bridgewater stan. Second, I absolutely love the Vikings. Third, I am an Eminem stan. Now enough about me.
It makes me nauseous (okay just a little bit more about me) when people try to critique rap music. Everyone online always sounds so douchey talking about rhyme schemes, and flow, and beats, and bars. Ugh. Some things just hit peoples ears and minds differently. This isn’t an album critique. I really enjoyed MTBMB. My opinion, humbly, is that it’s not his best but not his worst, and I will certainly bump it while driving around, which really should be the barometer for all music. Will you crank this while driving? For me it’s a yes.
Now I happen to think the timing of this album drop is highly suspicious: right before the Conference Championship games. It is well known that Slim Shady is a big Detroit Lions fan, even serving as their honorary captain for a game in 2018. Personally, if I were a Lions fan I would be rapping about murders, guns, and violence too.
3-12-1, yikes. You can’t blame shady for his lyrics, the dudes a pissed fan. He had to suffer through another season of the Detroit Lions doing their absolute best Cleveland Browns imitation. He’s watching the playoffs knowing full well that it’s going to be years before his team will be there. “Stepdad” is probably about Matt Patricia. Patricia is the stepdad abusing Marshall with consistently shitty football and Shady is getting ready to hit him with a bat and bury him. Cannot blame him. The Lions have played some disgusting ball in their recent history and Patricia hasn’t helped that one bit. Two years as head coach and two last place finishes in the division. A division that boasts Mitch Trubisky as a starting QB (gross).
If the Lions continue with their shady seasons will we get a Slim album every playoffs? Count me in (like I said, stan). He’s got nothing to do on Sundays but write and record. He’s not going to watch a Honolulu blue and silver titanic like disaster on 85 inches of 4K UHD that’s for sure. You can’t watch a Lions game with that kind of clarity. He has to be sick of Stafford being both the best and worst quarterback in the league every game. If the Vikings lost to the Raiders, Redskins, Broncos, and Buccaneers I’d pick up a pad and a pen too. I might not turn out an album like MTBMB, but you can bet your ass there is going to be some shocking and violent lyrics in it.
The Lions play on the football field is clearly disturbing Eminem. His talk of killing and abuse is a cry for better football. The Lions are tormenting him and he lashes out with rhymes. I’m seeing a pattern here too. This is not an isolated incident. Look the at the late 90’s and early 2000’s when Shady burst on to the scene with some of his most shocking, violent, and disturbing lyrics. To say the Lions were a dumpster fire in this era is putting it mildly. They were more like that flaccid bag of dicks that AB lazily tossed into the street, if that bag was then run over by a garbage truck which afterwords accidentally dropped a bit of garbage onto said bag on dicks.
The Lions need to turn this around. Marshall is unwell. His pain and anger and frustration are so obvious. Detroit, play better football, help Eminem out.
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