Larry Fitzgerald: Likely Bionic Man Is Back For Another Year

Will Larry Fitzgerald become the first NFL player granted permission to to use a golf cart on the field? Man I hope so.

Fitzgerald has been playing in the NFL since 2004 and recently signed another deal to come back and play his 17th season with the Arizona Cardinals. 17 years in the NFL is an incredible achievement at any position, but when you consider that he’s a wide receiver, it’s even more impressive. In all of those years he hasn’t played in less than 13 games, and he was still producing in his 16th season.

If the Minnesota Vikings were in need of a wide receiver I’d strongly consider trading a first round pick for a 36 year old Larry Fitzgerald. Next season he’ll be 37 and I guarantee he will be producing better numbers than 3 out of our last 4 first round receivers ever did. The Vikings trying to select a receiver in the first round is like a blindfolded witness picking a criminal out of a lineup.

The fact that Fitzgerald can still win in a league where younger consistently beats out older is crazy. The fact that he never gets hurt even after 16 seasons of taking hits while snagging balls over the middle is crazier. Craziest? That he wants to do it all again at age 37. Seriously, what is wrong with this guy? I’d like to test his blood, give him a CT scan, and then hit him with some X-rays. Specifically I want to check if he’s made of adamantium or if he has any robotic parts inside of him. What the hell is in the Arizona water? I know its a dry heat down there but that shouldn’t make you part alien. There should be an investigation to see if there is some kind BALCO lab down there. Now I’m not suggesting he uses PEDs, but I am suggesting that he has had bionic transplants.

Even with his robotic skeleton he can’t keep this up forever can he? Eventually the machine has to breakdown. With that in mind I’d like to think that if his joints start to rust out the NFL would be kind enough to let the legend use a golf cart while he’s playing. At the very minimum he should be allowed to use a bird scooter when his bearings start to fail.

The PGA of all organizations let John Daly use a golf cart in the 2019 PGA Championship. Professional golf, one of the snobbiest sports and organizations around let this happen.

And if the PGA can do that, then the NFL can let old man Fitzgerald run a fade on a bird scooter (motor a fade?). They don’t have to change any of the rules for him, but give the guy a break. Make his life a little easier, and let him catch slants while going full throttle in Daly’s golf cart. It’s going be his 17TH SEASON! Let him make it his first gas powered season. I would’t mind seeing a few cornerback hood ornaments. Fine, review it for offensive pass interference, doesn’t change the fact that he’s cleaning Eli Apple off his windshield.

Hope you got plenty of washer fluid Larry. May your season be filled with 4-wheel drive and power steering.