This is going to be a bit gross.
It’s no secret that I love the Masters. It is by far the best Major in golf, and it’s even better when Tiger Woods is in the mix. If you’ve had the pleasure of watching Tiger golf lately, then you know that he will absolutely be in the mix this year. He’s been a beast, a complete and total golf machine.
To understand this blog better, I suggest you go read my previous blog about the 2020 Masters. Since you probably won’t, I’ll sum it up real quick. I will likely miss the last two rounds of the Masters due to a wedding and the traveling needed to get there and back. Wow, I just summed up one great blog with one trash sentence. Alright, lets get into it.
Commercials for the Masters have been circulating lately and they are thrilling. Watching the commercials with Tiger playing at a Augusta in the red and black and thinking about Tiger winning another one has been getting me fully torqued. The fact that they can legally show these commercials on TV is wild. They are straight up porn. They should tone it down and just use still images and no sound because these videos are tough to handle. There should be a warning before the commercial starts, and I don’t think 18 years old is an appropriate age limit. 25 years old sounds about right me. Seriously, I can barely handle watching these things, a 23 year old is going to be putting one in his belly button before he even knows what happened. In front of your friends, that’s just embarrassing even though very understandable. Luckily I always happened to be at my place by myself every time I saw one of them so I can rock my sponty bone (shout-out Pete Holmes) in peace. If I was a doctor I would prescribe about 10 seconds of these commercials instead of Viagra. The Masters is out here cucking the shit out of Big Pharma. If you’re boned up longer than three hours try playing a round of golf but be prepared to take a penalty for too many clubs.
So while I’m in the midst of a solo golf orgy and my mind is drifting off to a 16th major celebration I always remember that I will likely be on an airplane during the final round, and I will certainly be at a wedding during the 3rd round. Talk about a cock block. This damn wedding (seriously read my other blog). So I’m in the middle of golf porn, essentially overdosed on Cialis, and I start having these very negative thoughts and neither can overpower the other. This is where I end up in a crymax.
Talk about an emotional roller coaster. I need these commercials off the air. I can’t take much more of this. I can barely blog, my laptop won’t sit flat on my lap. I need to buy a desktop, but who has money for that? I need a water proof keyboard because I’m soaking it from both sides. At this rate I won’t even make it to April. It might be best to unplug for a bit, maybe try a camping trip since I’ve been pitching tents left and right for the last month or so.
Good luck golf fans, we’re going to need it.