I’d like to preface this by saying that I’ve always liked Tom Brady, and I’ve actually always wanted him to win when he’s been in the Super Bowl. This is for mainly for two reasons. First, the Vikings are never playing in it, and second, I enjoy greatness.
With that being said though I am done with the Brady drama, absolutely done because it’s absurd. He will be 43 next season and is coming off of a mediocre regular season and a bad playoff performance, yet people are acting like signing him is the equivalent of signing Peyton Manning or Randy Moss in their primes. Brady has gaslighted the entire NFL. I think his social media prowess has convinced everyone that he’s 12 years younger. I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything, but thanks to my powerful super-brain I’ve been able to see though the bullshit when no one else has.
Consider my horn tooted.
Reportedly the Patriots are willing to pay Brady $30 million a year to keep him. Insane. Here’s a better way to spend that money: light $5 million on fire, sign Marcus Mariota, and use the rest to throw a dope pizza party, or use the rest as cum rags I don’t care. $30 million, we’re talking a LOT of trips to the massage parlor, you’re going to need some rags.
I would rather have Gardner Minshew or Johnny Manziel at quarterback than pay a 43 year old Tom Brady $30 million.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret about being a professional athlete being in your 40’s; you will get worse every year (shocked face). You will get worse every year because you’re an old bag whose knee hurts every time it rains, whose back hurts every time you stand up, and who can’t walk after playing driveway hoops with your child. You’re also probably developing osteoporosis and hemorrhoids. It’s hard to play football well with fragile bones and an awfully painful case of blood butt that looks and feels like the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.
I cannot believe the Raiders want to pay him too. If you’re willing to pay Tom Terrific anything you better have a Super Bowl caliber roster that is being held back by Michael Scott level incompetence at the quarterback position. Guess what Raiders? That ain’t you. Your about as far from the Super Bowl as giraffe pussy is from the ground. Not to mention I highly doubt Tom Brady wants to play for a head coach whose favorite restaurant is Hooters, “and it ain’t because of the wings (lol, nudge nudge, lol).” The mans a doorknob.
It’s ridiculous that we just allow Tom to walk around acting like he’s still the greatest thing since the invention of the doughnut. He can walk around like the GOAT, because he is, but he can’t walk around like the best QB out there when I could get equivalent results from Tom Savage, that Nicolas Cage looking mother fucker.
Lets face it. Tom Brady is not adding any wins to your team. Not anymore. You can back up the Brinks truck for him, or you can sign Case Keenum (greatest college QB of all time, read my blog about it) and use all that leftover cash to buy the biggest, baddest T.V. known to man so you can watch J-Lo and Shakira shake their unholy parts in a definition that is so high you will actually feel some booty sweat hit your face.
It’s up to the NFL GM’s to make that choice though. Personally, give me that HD booty sweat all day.
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