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Mike Zimmer Needs To Lean How To Eat Ass Before Valentine’s Day

Rumor has it, Big Daddy Zim is dating this woman.

Her name: Katarina Elizabeth Miketin. Her beauty: unquestioned. My dick: Almost as hard as when Tiger Woods won the Masters last year.

Zim Dawg is 63 years old. Katarina Elizabeth Miketin is apparently 25 years younger. Let’s do some math. 63 – 25 = 38. If you are 38 years old, in the year 2020, you are right on the edge of being into ass eating. I’d say, in 2020, the cutoff is about 40. So Zimmer, who was basically born during the Great Depression, is way outside the demographic of people who are into the new butt munching fad. Zim’s generation is more into locked eyes, shirts on, missionary, with The Beatles playing softly in the background. When that generation tries spice things up one or two nights a year, they might try some reverse cowgirl or shirts off missionary (maybe even with a leg up if the Zinfandel has been flowing) Doggy style? More like Devil style. Save that for the sinners and the barbaric.

Valentine’s day is the day to spice things up, that’s no secret. If you’re going to impress and satisfy a lady under that age of 40 nowadays, you’re going to have to tongue punch some fart box. You’ll need to kiss the winking brown starfish. You have no choice but to taste the rusty sheriff’s badge.

Just like his defense, Zimmer is going to have to hit the “A” gap. Unlike his defense however, Zimmer has no idea how to do this properly. My advice: get on the world wide web, turn on private browsing mode, and watch some videos. It’s time to get into the nasty depths of the modern day internet. Don’t be afraid to watch some freaky shit (I can send some links to my favorites). Another piece of advice: have a light meal, save dessert until after, begin with a sensual shower to rinse everything off, and start slow.

Call me if you have any questions about eating the booty like groceries.

Skol.

Published by G Spot Sneakers

Follow me on twitter ( @ZimNeedsANewOC ) to interact, get the latest blogs, and hear my thoughts on the Vikings and everything sports related. Currently trying to lure free agents with tweets. Teddy Bridgewater stan. Love me a good GIF. Extremely serious at all times.

One thought on “Mike Zimmer Needs To Lean How To Eat Ass Before Valentine’s Day

  1. For all the other 60 something year olds out there who have been eating pussy, licking ass, and giving orgasms for the last 45 years or so, Mr knowitall, go fuck yourself. You don’t know shit about older men by your comments. You come across as about as bright as a 6 year old. Sorry if this hurts your feelings. Actually, not sorry at all. Learn your shit and confirm it before you write some kind of drivvle like this again. Become a real man , responsible for what you write, and please don’t ever write such stupid untruths again. Thank you.

    Like

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