Dear John Is An Abomination Of A Movie

I don’t hate romantic movies. I’ve watched a few in my day and they’re mostly fine. The Notebook? An excellent film. A Star is Born? Great. The Titanic? A classic. But honestly Dear John is big pile horse shit.

Yea, that looks about right.

I watched Dear John for the first time a few days ago and I have some thoughts about it. And not that it’s any of your business, but no, the movie didn’t lead to coitus. To be honest, I would have been too angry about the movie to try and lay some pipe anyway.

What the fuck was that bullshit. First of, John looks like this.

Channing Tatum Pictures and Photos | Fandango

I don’t want to be a dick, but that handsome bitch isn’t settling for Savannah. That’s right, I said settle. John happens to look a lot like Channing Tatum, and people who look like Channing Tatum date people who look like Rachel McAdams. Daddy Gosling didn’t settle for the first hippie beach trash he met.

And then we have Tim. Nice guy right? No, turns our he’s a bigger snake than Kim Kardashian. What a douche. Fucking Tim decides he’s going to marry Savannah while our boy John is overseas getting winged by bullets. John is out here fighting for Tim’s freedom and and Tim is literally cucking the shit out him. Hard to be a bigger bitch than that.

I also have no idea what Savannah is thinking. If John settled, then Savannah was reaching like MJ in Space Jam.

Brandon Cottrell on Twitter: "@SportsNation you guys reach harder ...

Seriously. John is as good as it gets for her, and she decides to settle for old man Tim and his kid? No chance is that happening. No fucking chance. You don’t leave a 12 (on a scale to 10) for a 6. Especially if your supposed to be wildly in love with the aforementioned 12.

This movie is actually ridiculous. The only good thing that happened was John leaving her ass behind like the trash bag she is after he stupidly went to visit her.

To top it all off, we don’t even know if they got back together! Probably for the best, because if the idiot writer would have reunited those two I would have drop kicked my T.V. down the stairs and lit it on fire.

I need sports back, bad.

Published by G Spot Sneakers

Follow me on twitter ( @ZimNeedsANewOC ) to interact, get the latest blogs, and hear my thoughts on the Vikings and everything sports related. Currently trying to lure free agents with tweets. Teddy Bridgewater stan. Love me a good GIF. Extremely serious at all times.

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