How I Would Make The Dunk Contest Better


Have you ever watched Slam Ball? It is completely and utterly exhilarating. I don’t understand why it’s not the most watched sport in the world. It’s so fucking fun to watch. Go look it up on YouTube! But have a sock close by because you’re going to cum in your pants (no shame).

I want the dunk contest to take place on that exact court. I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Slam Ball is the reason I know God is real. He hath smiled upon us with this absolute beauty of a sport.

I’m sick of the best athletes in the world being limited by gravity. 9.8 N/Kg is bullshit, it’s too damn much. Sure jumping over Tacko Fall was awesome, but I can’t help but think that dunk was the peak. We’ve done all we can do. Is anyone going to come in and jump significantly higher than that? I doubt it. Tacko Fall is our dunk contest glass ceiling, and NBA players have been held down in this country for too long. They should be allowed to break through the barriers holding them back from success. Everyone else in America has an easy path to success, yet we refuse to let NBA players achieve true potential.

Let me say it again. Trampolines.

Dunking over Tacko Fall is going to look like an easy layup compared to dunking over freight trains and two story houses. It’s time to unleash the beast. Give these men trampolines.

Let. Go.


Put that shit inside me. That’s a 75/50 (Wade would probably give it a 48).

You know I’m right. Trampolines are the answer. Make the dunk contest great again.

Mankind has reached its fullest dunking potential in the currently constructed NBA dunk contest. It time to reach for the moon and dunk over stars.

Published by G Spot Sneakers

Follow me on twitter ( @ZimNeedsANewOC ) to interact, get the latest blogs, and hear my thoughts on the Vikings and everything sports related. Currently trying to lure free agents with tweets. Teddy Bridgewater stan. Love me a good GIF. Refuses to take anything seriously.

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