Vikings Fans Overreacting To Stefon Diggs’ Tweets

Fan Interpretation: Fuck the Vikings, they don’t deserve my loyalty. Bunch of shady ass rats bro, I want out. Kirk Cousins is ass. Minneapolis is a trash city. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Hey Trevon, pick a team for me to go play for. I’m going to finish my Vikings season strong, but then I’m done. I’m out. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Focused on getting the hell out of here. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Boutta get my ass traded in the next 30 days. I can’t fucking wait to get out of Minnesota. I ain’t playing here no more. Purple and yellow are some ugly ass colors. Trade me bitch.

Fan Interpretation: Mike Zimmer is an idiot. We couldn’t win the Minnesota DIII State Championship with his old, leathery ass. Screw his run first mindset. His defense blows more than the wind. I need a new quarterback. This organization is dog shit. Trade me to the Chiefs bro.

Fan Interpretation: Tired of the Vikings… lol. I can’t stand it here. This Minnesota bullshit is ridiculous. I want to play for the Packers. People here are too nice, it annoys the shit out of me. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: The Vikings are bringing me down. I should be the best receiver in the league. This offense is a trash heap man. Kirk should be in the XFL, but he probably wouldn’t even make an XFL roster lol. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Pay me more! Throw me the ball more! I’m the best player you have. I hate this team, I need to get out. Rick Spielman is honestly the dumbest guy I’ve ever met. Potlucks are dumb af. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Trade me to KD’s team! At least KD is a good QB. The NBA is wayyyy better than the NFL. I can’t stand Zimmer anymore. Beware of my ass getting the hell out of here. Prince isn’t wasn’t even that good. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Trade me to Cleveland! God doesn’t want me on the Vikings anymore. I need to stand up for myself and get out of Minnesota. I’d rather play with Jarvis Landry than Adam Thielen. Thielen wouldn’t even be good if it wasn’t for me. My only problems are this organization. Ya’ll can’t even drive in the winter. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: I’m about to run away to Japan or Mexico. Anything is better than being stuck playing football here. Screw vegans. Smh, gonna torch U.S. Bank Stadium, what a dump anyway. Tacos >>>> hot dish. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Lakes are stupid. You’re all going to miss me one I leave this hell hole. The Vikings don’t appreciate my talent, and the fans don’t even think I’m good. Well I’ll show you when I’m cathing tuddy’s from Tom Brady. Everyone in the state will trying to s my d to get me back. Ice fishing is awful. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Lick my balls Mike Zimmer, I’m out of here. Have fun never making the playoffs again. You’re the only person no one can learn from. Hockey is a dumb sport. Trade me dude.

Fan Interpretation: You know whats crazy? How bad this team is at football. Just do what I say and trade me to the Ravens. I’d rather live in Wisconsin. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Love & positive energy… two things I don’t have for the Vikings! Trade me you pee drinking crap eaters.

Fan Interpretation: I need some good luck to get me out of this contract. The Minnesota State Fair is pretty lame. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: I’m an actor, I act like I like playing here. If I don’t get traded or released I might retire too. Buffoons run this place. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Vikings = The Devil. I’m gonna burn in hell if I keep playing for these Satan worshiping d bags. I don’t care how much you pay me, I’m not staying. Save my soul and trade me.

Fan Interpretation: I wonder what team I’ll be playing for next year. Sure as hell won’t be the Vikings. Michael Zimmer? More like Michael Scott. Trade me now.

Fan Interpretation: The face I make when I remember Kirk Cousins is my QB. Vomit. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Felt like a home game because that’s where I’ll be playing next year. Enjoy the cold and snow you butt wipes. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Just going to tweet out my resume to the rest of the world real quick. Someone will trade for me. Someone will appreciate my skill set. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Now that’s a real quarterback. Wouldn’t mind catching passes from him. Kirk stinks man. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: He’d be the second best player on our team. Second to me of course. Damn I wouldn’t mind playing for the Lakers, they win Championships. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Honestly I’d rather work for Popeyes than play for the Vikings. That chicken is dope! What does Minnesota have to offer? Not shit. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: I think I’m finally getting traded!!!

Fan Interpretation: Shit man, that should have been me. Pretty damn jealous that he gets to play with a quality QB. Trade me you scrubs.

Fan Interpretation: Sheeshhh…this team stinks like roadkill man. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: I love you Tom!! Maybe we can team up next year! Trade me to Tom’s team.

Fan Interpretation: I’m always open, too bad my idiot QB never sees it. Trade me.

Fan Interpretation: Figure your shit out Minnesota! I tired of this losing nonsense. Trade me.

Stay tuned for “Other NFL Fan Bases Overreacting To Stefon Diggs’ Tweets.”

Follow me, subscribe, retweet, like, comment, do whatever.

Skol.

My Love-Hate Relationship With This New Dom Capers Hiring.

This is kind of exactly what I wanted the Minnesota Vikings to do. It’s also not quite what I was hoping for.

Dom Capers is very capable of bringing new insight and ideas to a defense which got a little stale last year. He’s been regarded as a defensive guru, which could be good for Mike Zimmer and the Vikings. What was once the backbone of our boys in purple has become, at times, a liability. Dom could help get things back on track.

In a way, this is what I was hoping for when Zimmer was searching for a new defensive coordinator. I’ve been a strong proponent of bringing in an external voice to help lead the unit. We all know Zim decided to go in more of a noncommittal direction and promote two position coaches to co-defensive coordinators, who will also remain coaching their respective positions. Confused? Yeah, me too.

I like the fact that Capers’ defense has been 3-4, as opposed to Zimmer’s 4-3. Now I prefer a 4-3 defense, but I like the idea of having a coach with 3-4 experience. It’s wise to be getting an influx of new concepts and schemes. A new way of thinking could be exactly what Mike Zimmer and the Minnesota Vikings’ defense needs.

In case you didn’t know, Capers turned the Green Bay Packers’ defense around when he first got their, and molded them into a solid, and (unfortunately) Super Bowl winning unit. He has also worked with some great players.

There is a lot good with the Dom Capers hiring, but I can’t let this blog be all positive.

After their Super Bowl win, the Packers defense went basically straight down hill until he was eventuality fired.

Dom was also a bad and conservative head coach, and conservative is not what the Vikings need. If you’re a conservative plug your ears, because Minnesota needs to get liberal with their play calling, game planning, and strategies. They need someone who isn’t afraid to mix things up, come up with new ideas, and adapt to the trends of the league. Capers is about 150 years old, which presents two problems for me. First, old coaches tend to be stuck in their ways, and don’t adapt well. Mike Zimmer is an old coach, and he’s runs the team with a very old school, run first, defense first, mindset. The league has been changing quickly the last decade or so, and Minnesota needs to keep up. Second, how much longer is he going to be coaching? I would hate to have success with him, only to lose him in a year or two to retirement. That may not happen, but you never know.

Overall I like the hire. More experience is always a good thing. I think Capers can make the Vikings better.

Skol.

Quick Thoughts On The XFL

  1. In-game, sideline interview are electric. I need them in every sport, and that includes boxing, MMA, NASCAR, and hockey. They are so damn fun. Instant and authentic reactions to the good, bad, and crazy shit that happens on the field. They were a great idea. The authenticity of everything is perfect.
  2. Mic’d up coaches are very cool. I’ve always wondered what the communication is like between the coaches and the players, and now we get front row seats to it. Allowing the audience to hear the play calls, sideline banter, and reactions was a great innovation by the XFL. Again, the authenticity is great, and it makes you feel like your on the sideline.
  3. I like the kickoff rules, but I was a skeptic before I saw it in action. Kickoff returns are awesome, and the XFL has found a safe way to actually encourage and promote returns. While the NFL was making them boring and almost obsolete, the XFL strapped on some serious thinking caps. I would not hate to see this in the NFL. Kickoffs should be a big part of the game, not just an inconsequential formality.
  4. More double passes! I didn’t see any during the games I watched, and that’s a damn shame. If you can throw two passes in one play, you should be doing it, and doing it often. I hope we see more of this in the future. They made the rules to promote trick plays, you need to take advantage of it.
  5. More three point conversion attempts! This is the XFL, there is no need to be conservative. You have to play to win. Be aggressive, be e aggressive.
  6. Play at the skill positions was solid. From the QB’s, to the WR’s, RB’s, DB’s and so on, there was a lot of talent and playmakers. This league could easily send people to the NFL. A farm league plays as far as I’m concerned.
  7. I don’t mind the one foot in bounds catch rule at all, but it’s not something I would want the NFL to adopt. I like that it allows for more spectacular catches, but the difficulty of getting two feet in bounds for a complete catch belongs in the NFL.
  8. The “comeback period” is a nice touch. Allowing the clock to stop (under two minutes) while the ball is being spotted makes perfect sense. I hate watching a buffoon zebra stumble and fumble around trying to get the ball spotted quickly, when in actuality they are just running even more time off the clock.
  9. The surprising amount of people in the stands was nice to see. The stadiums weren’t full, but they were far from empty. It seemed like a good atmosphere, the beer was flowing and the fans were actually getting into it. Plus, twitter was very involved with it, which is always fun.
  10. Love seeing and hearing the booth review plays. With the NFL I just assumed they flipped a coin or checked social media to see which way the should call the play. The transparency in the XFL is nice. Good to know it not just a blind dummy in there with no idea what’s going on *cough NFL *cough.

Nick Wright Is A Clown For This

Oh Nick, just when I thought your face couldn’t get any dumber your mouth uttered that statement.

I know he’s in the business of saying dumb shit just to get a reaction out of people, it’s why most shows on FS1 and ESPN are unwatchable now (I’ve never watched First Things First), but hey, I’m going to reaction blog the fuck out of this so the give the man his money because he’s doing his job.

I don’t know if Nick Wright hates Wiggins, Steph, the Warriors, or all three, but he just said “it’s over” for a team that still has Curry, Klay, and Draymond, two of whom are the best shooters the league has ever seen, not to mention all three players made up the core of a team that set the record for most wins in an NBA season. This is just an absurd statement. It’s an absurd thought that we will never see Steph Curry in another finals because of this trade.

This take is not only hotter than Mrs. Renfro’s Ghost Pepper Salsa, it’s also soft as hell. It’s a soft ass take because if the Warriors struggle to make to make it back he will claim victory and say “I told you so, they ruined themselves by trading for Andrew Wiggins” when really the only reason they may have trouble getting back is because the West is stacked. The West is incredible at the top; logically it would be hard to make it back to the NBA Finals so he decided to shit on Wiggins by blaming any future Golden State struggles on this trade. He knows it will be hard for the Warriors to get back, L.A. is super team heaven and Denver is brewing something dangerous too, it has nothing to do with Andrew Wiggins.

I’m sure he’s been cooking up this “We will never see Steph in another NBA Finals” take for awhile, way before the Wiggins trade. It’s an attention grabbing statement which is all he and his talking head friends do. He just needed a reason to say it, and he got his reason.

This is such a ridiculous statement I’m actually finding it hard to write about. It’s so god damn dumb, and yet fairly clever because his shit take on the Andrew Wiggins trade may end up looking not so dumb because of how tough the West is.

On the off chance that Steph Curry, one of the best basketball players in the world, never returns to the NBA Finals, it will have nothing to do with Andrew Wiggins. It will be because of LeBron and AD, or Kawhi and PG, or maybe even Jokic. Nick Wright doesn’t actually think Wiggins will be the end of the Warriors, he thinks the other great teams in the West could be, but that’s not exactly a hot take so he drags the Andrew Wiggins trade into it. The Warriors with KD would struggle to get back into the Finals.

This trade will not prevent Golden State from returning to the Finals. Andrew Wiggins will not keep Step Curry from the Finals. This trade made the Warriors better.

Nick Wright came up with another smoking hot yet lame ass take because he knows he’s protected by the strength of the Warriors competition.

Who would have thought that Colin Cowherd would have been the voice of reason.

Cardale Jones Didn’t Come To The XFL To Play School

Cardale is absolutely slinging it out here. This dude is a grown ass MAN. He is a tank, a man among boys. I need more of him.

Thank god college isn’t trying to bring him down anymore. No more bullshit classes for you Cardale, the XFL is your university and the defense is your exam. In the class of football, you get an A for being fun to watch.

No need to play school anymore. Algebra? Fuck it. Chemistry? For nerd’s. Economics? Stupid. Social studies? No thanks. Biology? No need for it. Physics? It’s all fake.

Cardale is going to be living his best life dominating the XFL, and I’m going to love watching it.

Shit he just fumbled the ball and then took a brutal sack.

School’s out forever!

Please Stop Trying To Trade Stefon Diggs

Now I don’t know if the Minnesota Vikings are actually thinking about trading Diggs, but Twitter and the media certainly are, and I’d like it to stop.

When I’m playing franchise mode in Madden, grinding away every night, ignoring my family, trying to build a Super Bowl roster, do you know what I never do? Trade away one of my best players in their prime, because I’m not an idiot. One of my strategies when trying to get better is to actually try and keep really good players. I think that’s probably why I dominate in franchise mode.

The NFL is a passing league. If it wasn’t, Minnesota wouldn’t have broken the bank for Kirk Cousins. Did they pay Kirk to hand the ball off and watch the defense play? I doubt it. So you pay tons of money for a nice shiny new…gun let’s say, and now you want to get rid of your best bullets? Hey nice Dodge Charger, must have cost a small fortune, I bet it would be nicer if you have all four tires on it. I just bought a new iPad but decided to sell the battery in it.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

You don’t pay lots of money for something only to get rid of the things that make it work. It’s no secret that Kirk needs lots of help to be successful, so why the hell would you think about trading away one of the best receivers in the game.

I know this is hard to handle. Take your time, process my reasoning here. When I want something or someone to perform better, I usually decide against taking away things that will help improve performance.

“But Diggs doesn’t fit the scheme!” The scheme is to score points bud. Here is a stat for you, any team that has ever won a game was scored more points than the opponent (I think). Do you know the most efficient way to score points on offense? Throw the ball. Throw the damn ball. Minnesota’s single biggest advantage on offense is the dual threat of Diggs and Thielen. Don’t try to change that. Don’t overthink it. It’s a simple game, kick the ball, throw the ball, run the ball.

If two great wide receivers “don’t fit your scheme” you had better change that scheme because it is a hot mess. A hot fucking mess.

The Patriots and Eagles didn’t have anyone to throw that ball to. They would have literally done anything to have two wide receivers like Thielen and Diggs. Literally, they would have done anything. Bill Belichick would have butt chugged boxed wine and Red Bull while smoking crack through a bong full of toilet water to have both of them.

Keep Diggs. Use Diggs. Throw the ball. Score points. Win games.

My philosophy is simple. Good players = good for your team.

Skol.

I’m Done With The Tom Brady Drama

I’d like to preface this by saying that I’ve always liked Tom Brady, and I’ve actually always wanted him to win when he’s been in the Super Bowl. This is for mainly for two reasons. First, the Vikings are never playing in it, and second, I enjoy greatness.

With that being said though I am done with the Brady drama, absolutely done because it’s absurd. He will be 43 next season and is coming off of a mediocre regular season and a bad playoff performance, yet people are acting like signing him is the equivalent of signing Peyton Manning or Randy Moss in their primes. Brady has gaslighted the entire NFL. I think his social media prowess has convinced everyone that he’s 12 years younger. I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything, but thanks to my powerful super-brain I’ve been able to see though the bullshit when no one else has.

Consider my horn tooted.

Reportedly the Patriots are willing to pay Brady $30 million a year to keep him. Insane. Here’s a better way to spend that money: light $5 million on fire, sign Marcus Mariota, and use the rest to throw a dope pizza party, or use the rest as cum rags I don’t care. $30 million, we’re talking a LOT of trips to the massage parlor, you’re going to need some rags.

I would rather have Gardner Minshew or Johnny Manziel at quarterback than pay a 43 year old Tom Brady $30 million.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret about being a professional athlete being in your 40’s; you will get worse every year (shocked face). You will get worse every year because you’re an old bag whose knee hurts every time it rains, whose back hurts every time you stand up, and who can’t walk after playing driveway hoops with your child. You’re also probably developing osteoporosis and hemorrhoids. It’s hard to play football well with fragile bones and an awfully painful case of blood butt that looks and feels like the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.

I cannot believe the Raiders want to pay him too. If you’re willing to pay Tom Terrific anything you better have a Super Bowl caliber roster that is being held back by Michael Scott level incompetence at the quarterback position. Guess what Raiders? That ain’t you. Your about as far from the Super Bowl as giraffe pussy is from the ground. Not to mention I highly doubt Tom Brady wants to play for a head coach whose favorite restaurant is Hooters, “and it ain’t because of the wings (lol, nudge nudge, lol).” The mans a doorknob.

It’s ridiculous that we just allow Tom to walk around acting like he’s still the greatest thing since the invention of the doughnut. He can walk around like the GOAT, because he is, but he can’t walk around like the best QB out there when I could get equivalent results from Tom Savage, that Nicolas Cage looking mother fucker.

Lets face it. Tom Brady is not adding any wins to your team. Not anymore. You can back up the Brinks truck for him, or you can sign Case Keenum (greatest college QB of all time, read my blog about it) and use all that leftover cash to buy the biggest, baddest T.V. known to man so you can watch J-Lo and Shakira shake their unholy parts in a definition that is so high you will actually feel some booty sweat hit your face.

It’s up to the NFL GM’s to make that choice though. Personally, give me that HD booty sweat all day.

Turns Out I Felt Like Poop Because Of Sleep Apnea, Not The Vikings.

I assumed that not sleeping well and feeling drowsy, fatigued, and overall like a piece of microwaved dog poop was due to being a Minnesota Vikings fan. I figured that it was Pat Elflein’s blocking that woke me up a night, and Xavier Rhodes’ defense that had me feeling down in the dumps.

It made sense to me. I was suffering because of another season of slightly above average football that again ended in a disappointing playoff performance. And now an important off season was looming. Is Kirk the guy? Is Diggs happy? Will the offensive line finally be fixed? Why is Jayron so unhappy? Will Harris leave in free agency? Will Griffen still be on the team next year? Who should the Vikings draft? Are they going to trade Cook? Is there enough cap room to sign any free agents? Will Stephen Weatherly be back?

I get cold sweats just typing those questions. Of course I don’t feel right. How can I? This organization has me on edge. I’m worried sick about what’s going to transpire before next season. I bet everyone in Minnesota feels like me. The coronavirus has nothing on Vikingsfluenza, a viral infection that spreads through televisions.

Is Zimmer the guy? Will he lose the locker room? Ugh!

I needed a doctor. I needed a prescription for a new team. Maybe the Patriots? They don’t seem to make people in Boston feel like roadkill.

So I saw my doctor, and asked for a new team. He said no. He couldn’t do it. Too dangerous. I might become addicted to winning Super Bowls. But he could tell something was wrong, so he ran some tests.

Sleep apnea. Are you sure? That doesn’t make any sense. How could the Minnesota Vikings give me sleep apnea? They didn’t? Seriously? Maybe I learned choking in my sleep from decades of watching postseason choking? No?

Turns out that watching the Vikings’ roller coaster of a season and playoff crumble didn’t affect my health. Not yet at least. It raises my blood pressure, pulse, and stress levels at times, but nothing serious I guess. So you’re off the hook Minnesota, but don’t push your luck.

I will now be in an exclusive group of the least attractive sleepers in the world.

Skol.

I Will Start WW3

World War 3 has been a hot topic to start 2020. Personally, I’m convinced it’s going to happen, but not for the same reasons that the general public thinks. The public doesn’t know about the battle that has been waging right beneath their hairy ass noses. A true battle between good and evil. A battle of light and dark, of just and unjust.

World War 3 will not involve Iran, it won’t involve China, or Russia, or any country in the Middle East. World War 3 will start right here, on American soil, between me and the city of New Orleans. Consider this the shot heard around the world.

Yea I said it, and I took some heat for it too. I took heat from delusional fans who can’t admit that their team had to purposely injure Brett Favre to win, but I stood my ground. I stared evil in the face, took evils shots, and returned my own. I don’t regret what I said, not one bit.

I also I this.

And this.

I will not stand ideally by while while Reggie Bush “forgets” that the Saints had to cheat to beat the Vikings. I will not be silent while Michael Thomas commits grand larceny against Christian McCaffrey. I will rise up and fight. I am not the hero Minnesota deserves, but I am the hero Minnesota needs.

Saints fans are excellent at deflecting and pretending Bounty Gate never happened, and they’re masters of ignoring the blatant fact that McCaffrey had a superior season to Michael Thomas. They’re a tricky opponent. They’re crafty, shifty, shrewd, conniving, contriving, elusive, and fraudulent. Of course they are. They learned from the best.

These two conspired to ruin careers with devastating injuries just to win a ball game. They shouldn’t be allowed on a football field again. Reggie Bush shouldn’t have a favorite Super Bowl because his team didn’t belong in one, and I will not hesitate to remind anyone and everyone of that fact. The Saints couldn’t beat Minnesota straight up so they had to cripple Favre. Disgusting. There is no place for that in this game that we love.

So I have justice on my side. I fight for all that is good. I’m ready to go to war if war is what it takes. I will not stand for ignorance and falsities. I will not stand for revisionist history.

“The golden eye of justice sees, and requites the unjust man.” I can only hope that this is true. I am prepared to fight. I’m armed and well trained. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment. I will walk through Bourbon Street, in the shadow of death, and I will fear no evil.

You had better put a bounty on me before I bring your empire of lies, cheating, and dishonesty to the ground. One man versus an entire city, yet I have never been more confident. I’ve risen from that shadows I once hid in. I stand on the front lines now, always lurking, waiting, watching, and preparing to attack. Even when you can’t see me, I’ll be there. Don’t fall asleep, I’ll haunt your 2010 Super Bowl dreams.

So with sword of truth in one hand, the shield of integrity in the other, and the bow and arrows of fuck you on my back, I start my march to Louisiana. My mission: conquer, destroy, dump your gumbo into the harbor, and most of all, bring home the Lombardi.

Who dat? I’m fucking dat.

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