Unbiased Vikings vs. Packers Preview

Vikings by a billion. Minnesota may lose the “porn star mustache” competition to the Packers. They may lose the “sexiest head coach” competition to the Packers. They may lose the “who’s quarterback can love their family least” competition. They may lose the “worst attempt at beer chugging” competition. They may lose the “ugliest uniforms” competition.Continue reading “Unbiased Vikings vs. Packers Preview”

Tiger Wood Is +8 And I Want To Die.

There is a chance this title is an overreaction. It’s not though. During Round 1 of the BMW Championship on Thursday, Eldrick golfed like Mark Sanchez quarterbacked and put up an abysmal 73. But the greatest golfer of all time was not to be denied. Tiger teed off for Round 2 on Friday looking toContinue reading “Tiger Wood Is +8 And I Want To Die.”

One does not simply get traded for a 7th round pick by passing physicals

This is classic a classic “you get what you pay for scenario.” You don’t trade a rusted out Ford Pinto and expect a working Ford Mustang in return. No, you trade a rust out Pinto and in return you get a 6 foot, 308 lb StarKist tuna can shaped, chode of man who runs aContinue reading “One does not simply get traded for a 7th round pick by passing physicals”

What it’s like to be an essential employee

I’m no hero. I put my pants on one leg a time just like everyone else. The only difference between me and you is that I’m essential to the proper functioning of planet earth. That responsibility would stress most people out. The weight of the world is literally on my shoulders, but luckily I’ve neverContinue reading “What it’s like to be an essential employee”

Dear John Is An Abomination Of A Movie

I don’t hate romantic movies. I’ve watched a few in my day and they’re mostly fine. The Notebook? An excellent film. A Star is Born? Great. The Titanic? A classic. But honestly Dear John is big pile horse shit. Yea, that looks about right. I watched Dear John for the first time a few daysContinue reading “Dear John Is An Abomination Of A Movie”

Stefon Diggs Defending Sam Bradford Is A Wild Move.

What a fucking tweet. So Diggs didn’t want to play with Kirk Cousins in Minnesota because apparently he’s not good enough to throw to a Walmart brand No. 1 wide receiver, but somehow Diggs thinks Sammy Buckets is “pretty damn good”? And don’t forget, he’s “pretty damn good” “when healthy” which was mostly never. Let’sContinue reading “Stefon Diggs Defending Sam Bradford Is A Wild Move.”

The art of goosing

A goose. Not the annoying waterfowl. No, its something much more elegant, more cunning, and simpler than that particular creature. A goose is a simple poke in buttocks. A gentle but firm prod that just peaks through the doorway to your sphincter. It’s a greeting of sorts. Not like the traditional wave, handshake, high five,Continue reading “The art of goosing”

My application for the Huston Texans GM opening

March 18th, 2020. Janice McNair. Huston Texans. 1NGR Parkway. Huston, Texas 77054. RE: GM Opening Dear Janice McNair, I would not have have traded one of the leagues best and most productive wide receivers, who happens to be in his prime, for a second round pick and a very expensive running back who is alwaysContinue reading “My application for the Huston Texans GM opening”

My beef with Michael Thomas is officially on hold

That’s right. My long running feud with Michael Thomas is now on hold, just like everything else in the world. This feud started years ago, when I chirped him from one of my old Twitter accounts and he actually chirped back, which I respected. I don’t even remember what I tweeted at him anymore, butContinue reading “My beef with Michael Thomas is officially on hold”

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